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    The Precious City

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    Xion
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    The Precious City

    Post by Xion on Sat Jul 11, 2009 3:40 am

    I am not completly sure whether this goes here or not.
    Well this is basically a protologe. If you read books then you know what i mean by that basically.
    Critisiam is recognized. I appriciate whatever comment you post. I want to become an author and I hope this will have me one step closer to my dream.
    Its not finished YET. But I hope you like what I have so far.


    Ticking Clock

    As the light of the city turned off, all in sync, you could see all the stars that surround our precious city. This city… this city was the only one of its kind: and it was about to be destroyed in less than two months. This city held people from a paranormal existence that to humans would only be from myths, which was not true. In fact I never knew why they would let their family members convince them of the lie. Here vampires and shifter and warlocks and not only them but many more of the paranormal universe lived in peace. But when are city is destroyed we will not know what will happen to the clans of different races of paranormal creatures that have taken millions of years to establish and solve our misunderstandings. And now? A secret clan of witches and wizards, , who were always against the so called ‘ridiculous’ idea that we could all live in peace and harmony. Now they said they had wanted us to see the light and realize what horrifying thing we had caused by destroying our beautiful city. We would not be able to do a thing about the destruction. This is because we could not fight magic very well they could create force fields, and spells beyond all of our power. But many of their people would die. The magic it takes to destroy a city would have normally taken only one person for it to work, but the same time of destroying they would also have to form a force field around the people of our city. But only one person had ever been able to do this. He had died many years ago. In the old age. Now things were different the wizards didn’t have as much physical strength nor mental as they had in the old age, they would need multiple people of their kind to have made this type of spell actually work! The amount of power it would drain out of their living body. Days were moving quickly, they were numbered. Every day more and more people would leave our city not risking the small percentage of change they could be killed during the destruction of the city: pretty soon there would only be six people left. Why six you ask? Because these six were the ones who established this community. The ones who made our lives better and easier to live with. And how do I know this you also ask? I know this because I am one of them. I am one the six royal knights. Each one of us had something special about us. We all controlled an element, and we were all skilled fighter with a sword, stake, or even hand to hand combat. We were staying behind to see if we could still protect this, see if there was any chance at all if we could save The Precious City. We were all of the same race though, all shifters, wolves to be exact. We wouldn’t let our territory be destroyed. And we surly would not go down without a fight. So in these last two months we still had in our Precious City, would be spent training and preparing for the fight. We waited for the people in our city to leave, and the witches and wizards too come, as if we were waiting for New Years by counting down the second on a ticking clock…

    Thank you for reading. I will try to finish this soon. i also know that this is not alot and will not take me more than even a quarter of a step. but i hope you like.
    i will try to finish it.
    please tell me what you think. i will aprriciate it even if you hate it.
    if you have any ideas on improvment please do tell
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    Neo Pikachu
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    Re: The Precious City

    Post by Neo Pikachu on Sat Jul 11, 2009 3:50 am

    Well, I would first like to start by saying, I am excited that there is another person here trying to become an author. Now, I would also like to inform you that you should space this out. For example, your first six or eight sentences and then a space. I'll edited it so that you know what I mean. You can edit it again if you don't like it, but it makes it easier for the reader.

    This may turn out being a great story, you just need to work on some things. Specifically these:

    This city… this city was the only one of its kind: and it was about to be destroyed in less than two months.

    It should be more like this: This city... this city was the only one of its kind and it was about to be destroyed in less than two months.

    Try not to use ":" in a Fic. May it be a Fan Fic, or any other genre. Hope the first chapter comes soon...
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    Xion
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    Re: The Precious City

    Post by Xion on Sat Jul 11, 2009 3:53 am

    *nods* Thank you for your advice. Ill take it up.
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    hibari_taicho
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    Re: The Precious City

    Post by hibari_taicho on Thu Jul 23, 2009 12:57 am

    Xion this is great work i am glad to see you and ash improving.

    Good job.

    the story rocks XD

    Cynic
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    Re: The Precious City

    Post by Cynic on Fri Aug 07, 2009 4:54 am

    Great story dude...I'll be waiting patiently till you finish Very Happy

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